My very sad saga!

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Rosaboobie
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My very sad saga!

Postby Rosaboobie » Sun Jan 24, 2016 5:50 am

Brace yourselves - this is a long story, rather like War and Peace lol!

I met Barbara Herman (BH) on Facebook just over a year ago – I kept seeing her posting about my little island Sanday, although she herself lived in South Africa, so I asked some mutual friends who she was, and they told me she was hoping to emigrate here once she had sold her house and business. So I friended her, and we found that we had so much in common that we instantly clicked and we became the very best of friends, and in fact chatted all day long each and every day. I thought I had at last found my female soulmate, and someone who I could share my life with here. I was just so happy and excited. You may or may not know that I had been friends with a Kath White here ever since I came to Sanday – a very aggressive and negative person who I thought I could change lol (Drac calls her toxic, a very apt description) – but one way or another she almost gave me a nervous breakdown and because I am prone to depression, a negative person is no good in my life, so it all came to a head on my Birthday last year and I asked her never to contact me ever again. The final straw to this friendship was when she tried to get my friend and neighbour Jo dismissed from her job at the Community Shop, telling the shop owners I wanted Jo sacked, something I told the shop owners I knew nothing about! Anyway since July, I have become a recluse once again, and hence my excitement at having a new friend in my life in the near future. I give you this background knowledge, so you can see how vulnerable I was at the time.

You may remember that I had a very hard and stressful time in Kenya trying to sell my house, mainly because there is a minority market there of people who have the finances, and BH found exactly the same situation in SA. She did eventually find a buyer in August for both the house and the business, and matters were put in train for her, her husband, furniture and dogs to be transported to Sanday. I have to say that I saw through this buyer from the word go, but everyone told me I was wrong. He kept postponing the completion date from day to day and month to month, and I knew for sure that this guy did NOT have the funds, although BH and her agents assured me he did.

In the meantime, BH asked me if I would try and find a property for her to buy on Sanday, and I spent much of the late Summer going around all the houses for sale here – 65 in all, although I didn’t have to go to them all lol. I eventually found one which was perfect for her in all respects – by chance I had bought a lawnmover from someone here on Facebook and when she came to deliver it, she happened to mention her house was going to be put up for sale, and so I asked her to give me first refusal before she put it on the market, which she did in late August. I sent all the house photos to BH and her and her husband fell in love with it. At that time she had no money whatsoever and so could not even make an offer on the house which was for sale at £80,000 BUT she did say she would have some of the money very soon, i.e. £25,000 but she had to lodge £55,000 for 6 months with the UK Government in order for her non-British husband to enter and live in the UK. As the owner of East Thrave Cottage (ETC) did not want to wait the 6 months for the £55,000 I (very very stupidly) offered to loan BH the £55,000 during this 6 month period. Obviously she was ecstatic and took me up on my offer. As she had no money she asked me would I make an offer on her behalf for the £80,000 which I did immediately with no hesitation as, although I was dubious about her buyer, I was assured by everyone concerned that my doubts were totally unfounded and that he had signed a binding contract for both the house and the business, and so he could NOT back out at this stage, the completion date being in 2 months time.

On this assurance, I therefore told my lawyer to make an offer on my behalf – and under Scottish Law, once you have made an offer in writing, it cannot be retracted for any reason whatsoever. I lodged my £55,000 with my lawyer and we sat and waited for the promised £25,000 from BH. And to this day I am still waiting lol. It came to my Completion Date and I had to find from somewhere an extra £25,000. I managed to find £20,000 but was still £5,000 short and so I rang the owner of ETC, Linda, in desperation whilst crying hysterically down the phone. By this point I was for sure on the very edge of a total nervous breakdown, having lived this nightmare day in and day out for 3 whole months, during which time I never slept. The local Doctor wanted to ”put me somewhere” for my own sanity and I would have gone gladly, but for the fact this was just before Christmas and we could not find two foster homes for my babies, so I just sat at home and tried to battle it out on my own. Anyway, this very kind Linda took pity on me and reduced the price by the missing £5,000, and so the purchase went ahead.

And so, the upshot of this whole unhappy saga is that I had to use my life savings to buy a second property I don’t want or need – maintaining one property in this harsh climate as a woman on her own is bad enough here – and to have to maintain a second property here with no competent builders or tradesmen is just a nightmare. I have owned ECT for 2 months and I only bit the bullet last week and entered the property for the first time lol.

Now, you can understand why I kept putting off telling you this very sad saga. Just before Christmas I ended up totally penniless, and spent my last bit of money insuring ETC. Luckily I had a small Bond I had forgotten about and although I am not nearly as fortunate as I was, at least I have a little bit of money now. And so my life has changed completely - from someone who was fortunate to buy whatever she wanted to someone who now has to watch every single penny, and I dont like living like this lol.

And during all this, BH has unfriended and blocked me on Facebook and despite me sending her a couple of emails outlining the many many thousands of Pounds she owes me, quite apart from the house purchase, she refuses to communicate with me, and in fact she blames me for everything that has gone wrong in her life, which has somewhat screwed up my mind, as you can imagine. All I wanted to do was help out a friend, and it has totaly backfired on me. Looking back on my life, I realise that many of my problems have actually been brought on by trying to be kind and helpful to people, and I have now vowed to never ever help anyone ever again because it causes too much heartache.

Phew, I am now exhausted after writing all this :lol:
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Re: My very sad saga!

Postby LadyKestrel » Sun Jan 24, 2016 9:30 am

Wow, RB! Talk about getting the royal screw! I'm so sorry you ended up in this situation. It sounds like their house sale didn't go through after all, and they're looking for someone to blame for their own mistakes. I guess your best bet is to put your second property back on the market to hopefully recoup some of your loss. What kind of property is it, and what condition is it in?
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Re: My very sad saga!

Postby draclvr » Sun Jan 24, 2016 9:41 am

And while this entire horrible circumstance is the last thing you needed, as I have told you elsewhere, in my opinion, you dodged a bullet in not having BH in your life on Sanday. Even if there were no contracts signed between you, someone who would do this to a friend is more "toxic" than your old friend you got rid of.

Once this house is sold and you are out from under everything, I would not blame you for never going above and beyond for someone else again. The worst of it is probably not the house so much as it is the betrayal of your friendship.

Thank you for sharing as some people have asked me if you were OK and I just had to say you were dealing with some issues in your life right now!
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Re: My very sad saga!

Postby Diat60 » Sun Jan 24, 2016 11:06 am

An expensive lesson, Rosa! Hope you can find a buyer soonest and recoup your money.
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Re: My very sad saga!

Postby Rosaboobie » Sun Jan 24, 2016 12:42 pm

draclvr wrote:. The worst of it is probably not the house so much as it is the betrayal of your friendship.


You have hit the nail right on the head, Drac. To have spent my life savings on this house is bad enough, but what is really "doing my head in" is the fact that a so-called friend who I bent over backwards to help, has now stabbed me in the back and refuses to have anything to do with me. How many people would have in fact done what I did and loaned someone whom they had not even met £55,000. This is what I really cant get my head around. She sent me a vitriolic and abusive email on Christmas Eve obviously hoping to really hurt me - at a time when I was at my lowest ebb - but what she does not know is she did me a huge favour. Instead of hurting me, it in fact made me SO angry and I emerged from my depression just in time for Christmas.

Luckily I insisted that the house purchase should go in my name only on the understanding that if BH could not find the £55,000 for whatever reason, at least I would have bought a property for a mere £55,000, taking into account the £25,000 she was due to transfer to me. As my lawyer said to me - things could have been a lot worse had I put the house purchase into our joint names! And my Orkney lawyer has been brilliant through all of this - I cant thank her enough. Mind you, yesterday I got a bill from her for £2,300 re house purchase fees ha ha! :shock:
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Re: My very sad saga!

Postby draclvr » Sun Jan 24, 2016 1:19 pm

I'm in utter amazement and incredulous that BH could even remotely THINK of anything vitriolic and abusive to say to you! I just don't understand people like that - thank heavens for the property being only in your name though!
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Re: My very sad saga!

Postby Val » Tue Jan 26, 2016 4:45 am

Ah RB! So sorry this has happened to you. Hope it will all sort itself out sooner rather than later!! :(
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Re: My very sad saga!

Postby The Black Dahlia » Wed Jan 27, 2016 12:15 am

Oh Rosaboobie how very sad and very tragic and alike all others the betrayal of a friendship is the worst issue let alone the money situation. Oh i know what it is like to live from penny to penny. I have had to do this all my life and now in retirement while i do have money to spend, making it last is my biggest worry. Plus there is always a government in the background trying to move in on state pension funds as we experienced one time in the past and went on strike against the state government. So one never really knows just how sound that retirement fund is. So can sure imagine how you must be feeling re your money situation.

Do hope it gets straightened out much in your favor. You have a lawyer? And is he worth his salt not only in reality but emotionally also. Lawyers need to encourage their clients in such situations. What does he say about your situation?

Do keep us posted and like you I no longer trust anyone anywhere for anything. That attitude has softened to the realization that people all have issues and are dragging baggage along with them into the present. So it is this i do not trust and so keep my distance by not risking any of my resources for sure and emotionally i also keep my distance until I know just where a person is coming from, what issues he/she has in life and what his/her commitment is to people in general. That takes some getting to know.

People always say 'oh we are good friends'. No we are not!!! We are acquaintances until proof of friendship is generated. And for me that takes some doing especially in this disintegrating culture of today brought about by the technology that separates us not brings us closer together. And who allows this - we people do in an effort to keep up with the fast moving world, take no risks, and do not care much about deep involvements with others anymore.

So much for my soapbox thoughts Rosab. and hope this helps in some small portion. Needless to say i have been through what you are going through just not to the extent financially that you did. Never had that kind of money so the most i risked at one time was a loan of $200 to someone i thought was my friend and who never paid me back. At that time the $200 was a huge risk for me - probably all i had for backup. And remember i was supporting 2 children all my life from babies to adults - by myself mostly since court battles ensued throughout the childrens' lives over their support. So indeed that $200 was a huge amt. for me to risk. I can understand your situation pretty well.

Take heart, get back up, dust yourself off and start the fight again - eventually you will come out of it and with a wealth of learning which is much more important than money. Now you can protect yourself from any future such involvements and not come out bitter but more understanding of people so that you can protect yourself from then.

Hope my response has helped in some small way. If you are up to it, let me know your thoughts either here or in my email address.

The Black Dahlia
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Re: My very sad saga!

Postby The Black Dahlia » Wed Jan 27, 2016 12:15 am

when i tried to send this response the first time, it would not go - claiming some internal error. But on second try i think it made it.
When you see old people, don't pass them by. Stop to relate. They're really young people who have just been around a long time.
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Rosaboobie
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Re: My very sad saga!

Postby Rosaboobie » Wed Jan 27, 2016 3:36 am

I have emailed you, Donna.

Lovely to see you posting here x x
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Re: My very sad saga!

Postby Winfrey » Wed Jan 27, 2016 7:15 am

Oh my ... as I try to respond to this post.... I am speechless!!!! I am so sorry to read this!!! So sorry!!!!!!
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Re: My very sad saga!

Postby Rosaboobie » Wed Jan 27, 2016 7:30 am

Thank you, Winfrey :cool:
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Re: My very sad saga!

Postby draclvr » Wed Jan 27, 2016 8:03 am

BD, I 've been getting a lot of those internal error messages too and have had a couple of double posts because of it.
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Re: My very sad saga!

Postby JKEerie » Wed Jan 27, 2016 11:38 am

That is very sage advice, BD. It utterly amazes me how truly crummy some people can be...and they always take advantage of good people like our Rosy! I'd like to think that "God 'ill get 'em for you."

I have a few "rules of thumb" I always follow...one of which is "Never make a bet or a loan you cannot afford to lose." That one has stopped me from a lot of anger and frustration...and kicking myself in the ass.
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Re: My very sad saga!

Postby skeeter » Fri Feb 05, 2016 11:15 pm

Very sorry to hear this RB... I hope that it is all sorted out soon and you can get some peace of mind... Is renting the property an option?
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